WARNING: I get rather venomous with my words in this one.
So, y’all homeboys and homegirls, the next season of Counting On is set to begin June 12th. Alas, I am here to announce that I have run out of things to say about this insufferable misery. Before I explain my next move with this blog to you, let me say my final word on the matter of The Duggar Clan here and now, specifically regarding why I’m surrendering my normal routine of reviewing the TLC Menace:
1- It’s literally going to be the same thing as last season… and the season before that.
_____ is going to do all the bride shit that we’ve seen three times before (not counting Anna’s bridal track) while preparing to be traded for livestock with the _____ while ______ tries to score a vagina of his very own to stick his flaccid two-inch Duggar dick into before it falls off. Jana is the only one who can do anything, so she’s going to decorate a room or fix a lamp. The kids don’t know what ____ is, those silly fucks. Jim Boob sticks his fat, unwelcome face into our screens to remind us that the his daughter’s hymen is the most precious thing about her (also, it turns his disgusting, lustful, incestuous nuts on). Michelle sucks on some helium and pretends she’s important even though her baby factory is out of commission.
Meanwhile, Ben and Jessa travel _____, see Flame for one episode, and Ben acts like the white, Fundamentalist Snoop Dogg, but with 1/50th of the insight. Oh, by the way, Jessa has two babies now, and life is SO FUCKING IMPOSSIBLE.
In the season finale, _____ get married, ______ gets engaged, and the next Duggar is ready
to be traded for livestock to enter a courtship.
Literally. Every. Season. Is. Just. This.
NO variation at all. Just fill in the goddamned blanks.
Seriously, this gets renewed every time, and I’ve long since given up on asking why or how. Fans of this show just need to learn how to masturbate. Anything is more worthwhile and productive than this dickery fuckery.
2- I’m sick of the Dillards’ bitching and inadvertent (or not) child abuse.
The preview promises more of the same utter bullshit from the Dull-as-Dirt Dillards: they mope about how ‘dangerous’ their five-star conditions are in Central America on FaceTime while Izzy sticks his finger into a light socket somewhere, and then try to justify moving back to the zika-ridden country that, by the way, is still under a Don’t-Get-Pregnant-Right-Now Warning, because Jesus wants them to play soccer, which will magically convert the Catholics. But, you know, those brown-skinned people must not need houses built, or food, or actual help. Otherwise Derick might need to break a sweat, or Jill might have to leave her hermetically-sealed townhouse.
We get it. You want
money sympathy. Well, the only pathos you’re going to get from me is in my middle finger, you spoiled brats. Your time might be better spent learning how to read before your toddler surpasses you. Or, you know, actually teaching him not to lick electric fans instead of Isntagram-ing it.
3- Glorifying/exploiting child marriage is wrong.
Jim Bob Duggar is building a fortune based on prostitution. His daughters have been handed out to men they barely know in marriage in order to secure season after season of airtime and paychecks without him actually having to leave the compound. His latest bride-daughter is all of nineteen years old. Yes, that’s above the age of majority in America, but when you take in to affect how sheltered Joy Anna has been her whole life, as well as how inadequate her education has been, she is mentally, at best, twelve or thirteen. She is, therefore, a child bride. And she’s in for a world of heinousness once she walks down the aisle towards a guy who is likely no more mentally mature than she is.
Again, for a paycheck. Jim Bob is a pimp, and watching the show for ANY reason is endorsing him and his warped abuse. So, I can’t do it any longer.
4- We have better things to worry about.
A group of sexist, ableist, white supremacists govern the United States. The House just decided that tax breaks for the 1% are more important than health insurance for over 24 million of the country’s most needy citizens. North Korea is testing nukes with more frequency. Syria is still one giant humanitarian crisis. Russia is still trying to hack it’s way to world domination.
The Duggars can do whatever they fucking want. I don’t care anymore.
You know, I used to worry that in three more generations, over a quarter of the world’s population will contain their worthless, stupid DNA. However, let me be frank with all of you: the odds of the human race surviving another TWO generations is getting smaller and smaller every day.
So unless one of those kids breaks free and exposes that useless, horrible cult/family for the piece of shit they are once and for all, I’m done. Likely, for good. If I need to turn to something dumb enough to make me laugh, I MAY look back on them and their stupid sound bites. But, looking ahead, I’m going to review something more eye-opening. Something more important….
…and what is it? Well, you’ll just have to stay tuned and find out for yourself!
Peace, my readers, and stay put!