Duggar News Update: Child Brides, Courting Cads, and PANTS!

Things are getting lubed up in Duggarland as Jim Boob is working overtime now to sell off his barely-of-chronological-aged children into marital slavery bliss!

The eye-sex game is strong enough to impregnate her before the wedding.

Joy-Anna (who is barely 19, need I remind anyone) is engaged after a less-than-3-month courtship. I still don’t have the episode I need to review Austin Forsyth’s episode of World’s Strictest Parents, but from the glimpse we got of him in the Counting On season finale last week, I’d say he’s the most Jim Bobbiest Duggar-to-be yet. Based on the trend of quick engagements, a June wedding is likely…it will provide an excuse for the Dillards to fly home for a wedding/birth double feature. Jill is due to give birth to a zika-affected child/anti-abortion prop in July.

The second Duggar boy is courting, and it’s Joe. Joe’s intended is Kendra Caldwell, who is even younger than Joy-Anna at the barely-legal age of 18, and is the daughter of a pro-Gothardite pastor who has been chummy with the Duggars for years, which means it was likely that some livestock would be traded between the two clans at some point. Kendra Caldwell also wins the award for Most Punchable Smile Outside of American Politics.

No word yet on how a fucking 20-year-old idiot who doesn’t even know how to grocery shop is going to place himself at the headship of a family. Let’s hope Kendra is smarter than she looks.

But the biggest news of all comes from the newly wedded Vuolos, and that is that Jinger takes her place in American history as the first female Duggar allowed to wear PANTS!! More specifically, Bermuda shorts than fell out of the closet of a 90’s wake boarder. Jeremy has been known to preach that he thinks the ‘skirts only’ rule is bullshit, making him the most liberal Duggar by default. Huh.

If this is what Free Jinger was trying to achieve…um, good job? But please aim higher with Jana, guys. At least aspire for her to wear something fashionable one day.

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4 Responses to Duggar News Update: Child Brides, Courting Cads, and PANTS!

  1. Heather says:

    While I’m glad Jinger is wearing shorts she’s still being controlled by a man. Poor Joy-Anna doesn’t even get a chance to live a little before becoming a breeding mare. 😦

    Like

  2. Andrea says:

    This is just depressing.

    Like

  3. lyndajanepurcell says:

    Oh my GOD. I just read the article about those Duggar boys who are oh so worried about having to ‘grocery shop’ because most of the girls are now hightailing it outta there. Poor Jana will end up burdened with all this domestic crap that the Duggars are just too masculine to suffer. But what struck me was how they looked. All chinoed up with those ‘Happy Days’ haircuts and looking exactly like those visiting Mormons who my (Irish) mother told to: ‘Feck off.’ All religious weirdoes have a similar look – vacant and entitled.

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