Now that Jinger has fulfilled one half of her purpose as a vagina-bearing humanoid, it’s time for her tribute…the one time in her life her parents happen to remember her name and her siblings happen to see her as more than a laundry maid, and all because she was the meal ticket for the family for the past year. Of course, TLC marked this with the now-patterned ‘All About the Bride’ episode.
It saw a ratings plummet of nearly 200,000 viewers.
Now, I marvel at the fact that TLC can round up 200 viewers for any given episode of this show, but this ratings dip sent a clear signal out to TLC and Duggarville. The wedding re-aired this week (for my review of it, go here), and it’s looking likely that not a lot of fans will be tuning in for THAT either.
It seems like Jim Bob’s magic timing in arranging for his daughter’s entire sex life to be the sole subject of interest on a passe reality series following a washed-up family of boring-as-fuck breeders is running out of magic. Jinger was able to save the show itself from getting canceled singlehandedly with her romantic life deciding to show the fuck up, but now that appears to be backfiring. People are catching on to the overwhelmingly cyclical pattern, as well as the fact that it’s about to come around again for poor child-bride-to-be Joy Anna. Not to mention, taking two entire seasons to film a three-month courtship, a five-month wedding planning (which is boring in and of itself), a wedding where the most dramatic mess-up was the unity candle not igniting, and all the BAAAAABE in between is not even close to being worth documenting. Why? Because PEOPLE FUCKING DO THIS SHIT EVERY DAY OF THEIR LIVES.
Stupid people get reality shows over the dumbest shit, but those shows still get viewers and can even hold a bit of interest. Why? It’s really all about the special snowflakes doing stuff most of us don’t get to see on a daily basis. The Kardashians wipe their asses with twenty dollar bills, so seeing how trashy they are in spite of their wealth is what the hook was. The Jersey Shore kids were freaks of nature, so watching them lose their minds was like watching a National Geographic special on a group of Missing Links.
When push comes to shove (if you’ll pardon the baby-making pun), the Duggars are just average assholes who breed a lot, abuse their women, and look down at the gays and the pants-wearing whores. That’s sad, but not fascinating. Wipe out the controversial train wreck that was Josh (and, by all means, keep him away from my TV screen, because he deserves to rot in obscurity), and all you have left are average idiots doing average things with the occasional incestuous hint from Jim Boob or video evidence that Jill needs to be stalked by CPS. No one cares if they have a lot of kids anymore. We don’t even SEE the kids that often. It’s all about the Duggar Brides.
Basically, watching Counting On is like eating communion wafers while sitting in the middle of the Nebraska prairie on a 70 degree overcast day and listening to Steven Wright read from an IKEA instructional manual.
I really, really hope we don’t have to see it all over again with Joy, even though it’s a given that we will. Maybe Putin will finally let the missiles fly and kill us all before next season. I sure hope so.