So, we meet again, Kirk Cameron.
It’s bad enough the guy still has a toe in the entertainment industry, and enough weight to warrant articles on the internet whenever he spouts off his misogynist mouth diarrhea, or tells the world about his love of phallic fruit. We really don’t need the schmuck to talk to the public about his disturbing lack of knowledge on what marriage is.
He had this to say recently, regarding gender roles in the marriage:
“Wives are to honor and respect and follow their husband’s lead, not to tell their husband how he ought to be a better husband. When each person gets their part right, regardless of how their spouse is treating them, there is hope for real change in their marriage.”
Yeah, because as long one spouse is considered better than the other, even when the other spouse is possibly treating them like a blow-up doll, we won’t have ANY issues, will we?
Now, I cannot tell you how marriage should be, because I don’t know. As much as I can wish it, fantasize about it, and drop not-so-subtle hints to my boyfriend of two-and-a-half years about it, marriage isn’t in the cards for me in the near future. Therefore, I accept that I am no authority on the matter.
But what I can say is this: I’ve been around my parents long enough to know what a good marriage looks like, and I can make some assumptions based on what I’ve seen. My parents are celebrating thirty years this year. Not only that, but oy vey, are they like night and day, apples and tire irons, Prince (RIP) and Kanye West (please die now). My mother is as blue and liberal as my father is red and conservative. According to basic logic, they should have never even liked each other when they first met in 980 AD. I do not know how they make it happen…and I’m not asking them because it will totally end up the reverse of that one punishment on Impractical Jokers where Q had to teach his parents sex ed.
I can say that my parents’ marriage has a solid, everlasting foundation, and while I have no doubt the Duggars and the Camerons will never stare down divorce papers either, I do believe that they don’t have what marriage is supposed to be.
In my outsider opinion, marriage is like a balance. The two sides need to even out if the balance is to read the right measurement, just as the two people involved in a marriage need to have equilibrium in order to endure challenges and stay together. The two items being weighed on a balance don’t need to be the same thing, as long as they come out to the same amount. Two people in a marriage can be totally different substances, but if they share similar philosophies on how their lives should be handled, things will still come out to a stable conclusion.
In the case of Humbert Bob and J’Chelle Duggar, as well as, I assume, the case of the Camerons, you don’t have this balance because of the idea of women being under male headship does not equal same life philosophies, even if the wife wholeheartedly agrees to the male head shit.
Male headship in Gothardism, as well as in other sects of fundamentalist religions, uses the concept of inherent female inferiority to drive home its’ message, which automatically puts the scale out of balance, because it means that, no matter what those opinions are, a woman’s thoughts hold no weight. If a woman in a Gothardite marriage says ‘the moon is a meteor that fell into Earth’s orbit billions of years ago’ and her husband says ‘the moon is made out of the cheese that Obama ejected into space’ guess who wins the argument?
So you can have a fifty year marriage under this way of life, and still not really have a marriage so much as a micro-facist dictatorship under a roof, with the ruling party exerting 100% power over the other, who has no choice but to smile and appease.
By the way, this applies to women in marriages too. If a wife practices absolute authority over a spouse, she’s not doing any better than Jim Bob Duggar.
In nature, we see many species of animals sort this gender-balance thing out on their own. In birds, for example, when you think about it, females are the superior sex. Males fertilize and split in most cases (penguins aside…props to penguin papas!) while female give birth and raise their young to continue the species. Females gather the food for their offspring, make the nests, and pretty much do everything. Males compensate by being brighter in plumage, larger in size, and having the ability to serve sick dance moves to potential birdie mamas.
Suck it, Ben Seewald.
Basically, what I’m saying is that it’s all about treating your partner like you’d treat yourself. Just because you’re nice to someone and give them what they want, doesn’t mean you’re treating them the right way. And the whole ‘wives should follow husbands’ thing is complete bullshit. Because who’s to say Kirk Cameron won’t go all Heaven’s Gate on us and insist on having a dinner party for J.C. with a good ol’ helping of arsenic-laced banana cream pie?
I know a lot of it is about trust, and absolute trust at that, but absolute trust is dangerous. You need just a smidge of skepticism when you look at absolutely everyone in the world. That’s why my parents, for all their thirty years of not getting divorced and stuff, still argue. Sometimes someone is wrong, and sometimes people make mistakes. And sometimes that mistake-maker is…le gasp…the male. Even balances can be thrown off and need to be re-calibrated.
So enough with the scale talk, it’s just reminding me of how fat I am, and yet am writing this while consuming a McMuffin and hot cocoa.
I’m just ranting here, like I often do, and with May being Loyalty Month and all, I just thought this would be a cool thing to address, because this male headship crap is so tired and insulting. Honestly, what are fundamentalists so afraid of women for?